Welcome to the definitive online resource for Mythcorp, where the answer is Life, every time
What is Mythcorp?
Mythcorp is a Fortune 500 corporation combining genetic engineering with thaumaturgy. We create life, plain and simple. From the pages of history or fiction, anyone is possible at Mythcorp—although we do enforce restrictions to prevent the creation of historical despots or literary characters with ill-famed parameters.
Feel free to browse our delightful pages before you make any decisions about the product you would like to procure. If you are already familiar with Mythcorp, and wish to place an order immediately, ignore the others and go click the PRODUCTS page (currently under construction). Fill out the appropriate form like the experienced pro you are. Thank you!
Our Mission: To Restore Life and Fulfill Dreams, one person at a time.
What We Do For You:
Whether you wish your loved one alive again in an identical cloned form (Icon), or wish to befriend a legendary figure like H.G. Wells or Gandhi, or want to paint the town with Jay Gatsby (Mythicon), Mythcorp can make it happen. Our unparalleled genetic engineering and alchemical processes empower us to create life in what we lovingly refer to as Ripley Tubes. Following three months incubation in these Ripley Tubes, we ‘birth’ your product–satisfaction is guaranteed.
While the specific method and formula employing what we call thaumaturgy—performed by the Twins in their ‘Chamber of Secrets’—are of course kept under lock and spell, we are a full-disclosure corporation.
This means we give quarterly reports and share the science side of the business. If you wish, the parameters of your Icon or Mythicon will not be publicized. When you sign the CA, we will not publicly disclose even the name of your product, only the type.
If in the rare circumstance your product contracts the M2 Virus sometime down the line, we will immediately dispatch Iconocops to apprehend your product. Mythcorp will of course replace at no cost to you. (Let us assure you, our 1 rogue Iconocop will not spoil your day; we are currently hunting him)
Imagine it: Any character from the pages of fiction or history, from any era, could be yours! Imagine hiring Lincoln as your Lawyer! Try our Double-take Deal, and purchase 1 Mythicon and 1 Icon simultaneously at a steep discount. You could have Peter Pan keeping your boys busy while you are treated to the attentions of Casanova.
(For the deepweb origin of Mythcorp, click here–unveiling soon). Understand, that page is only for those who seek to find a way to their world behind . . .
MYTHCORP FAQ’s (and their titillating answers):
- (Q) Are Mythicons people?
- (A) Mythicons possess a complete human genome, making them human. But because they also boast our patented ‘Madenine’ base, making them GMO’s, they are also something more—that’s how we like to look at it.
- (Q) Who is the oldest Icon you’ve forged—chronologically, I mean?
- (A) Why, just last month we cloned Charles Darwin, and let me tell you, he has some interesting theories on how he came into being
- (Q) Do Mythicons have powers if their book characters do?
- (A) Through our patented thaumaturgical process, your Mythicon will possess whatever literary skills, talents, intellectual gifts or special abilities his/her literary counterpart boasts. However, we never endow our products with ‘magic’
- (Q) Is it true some clients order products for sexual purposes?
- (A) We neither condone nor question our clients’ purposes. We simply say yes—so long as their desired Icon or Mythicon fall within the purview of our Laws. (That being said, we have created an oddly high number of Romeo’s and Marilyn Monroe Icons)
- (Q) How often does the M2 Virus strike?
- (A) The M2 Virus is rarer than the biased media’s shocking ‘exposes’ would have you believe. Statistically, about 1 in 40 products suffer the anomaly. It’s more likely your toilet will get backed up than your Mythicon going rogue
- (Q) Isn’t your ‘thaumaturgy’ just a fancy word for magic?
- (A) That is the public’s perception of our work on Mythicons, and despite our best efforts to explain otherwise, it is the accepted view. So, sure, magic.
- (Q) I’ve read reports that Peter Pan escaped his client and can now fly? Is that true?
- (A) We can neither confirm nor deny such rumors, but some of our Mythicons are exceptional beings