How Disney Turned to the Dark Side

We live in a world where people have paid billions of dollars to witness Disney murder two beloved characters, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker.

To discover what seduced this once good entity over to the Dark Side, let’s look at Disney through the wise trained eyes of a Jedi Knight.

Like many of the most powerful Sith, Disney began as an innocent creature, trained up in the peaceful ways of the Force. For a long time it was comfortable following the rules, churching out harmless flicks like Lady and the Tramp, Cinderella, Bambi. Slowly, over the years, it acquired a taste for success. Now, this in itself was perfectly harmless; but its taste for success was inextricably linked with a fear of failing.

As Yoda once warned, fear is a path to the Dark Side.

This taste for success, and fear of failure, soon led to a hunger and thirst for more success. As any proper padowan knows, only the Sith give into desire.

So Disney stopped borrowing from the brothers Grim, and began to make its own choices, regardless of how it would affect others. The Path had changed from straightforward to askew. Then the inevitable happened: Disney convinced a Jedi Master to sell his soul. The sad day came on December 21, 2012. In addition to the other properties it had acquired (remember, owning anything is inherently selfish, which is why Jedi are trained to give up ownership), Disney now owned what had once been considered sacred—and promptly rejected the formula that had made the sacred arts worthy for so long.

Like many an overly ambitious Sith Lord before it, Disney completely rejected the established universe (the canon Star Wars Expanded Universe), and established its own Order, known colloquially as the New Canon.

In tune with its rejection of the past to which it owed its present power (or recently awakened Force), Disney then ruthlessly decided the most effective method of destroying its enemy is to slaughter its primary heroes: Han Solo and Luke Skywalker.

So Disney murdered them.

To ensure its continuing survival, and indeed, its legacy, Disney declares the Jedi destroyed, having efficiently wiped it out through its murder of innocents and its intentional confusion of its own history.

With the last Jedi having been dealt with, gone the way of the Force, Disney then kills off its Supreme Leader, because . . . that’s just what Sith do, apparently.

With the awakening of its new empire, Disney has placed its future in the young, mostly untrained hands of a whiny, temper-tantrum-prone brat, and an overly-talented girl child who somehow manages to be both boring and annoying simultaneously.

Now, from a writer’s perspective, how are we to respond to this new Dark Lord of the Sith? Well, like any proper Jedi, we must be patient and wise and expose the darkness. In the end—we hope and believe—the Force will bring itself into balance. After all, without Darth Vader, we would not have had Luke Skywalker (put another, more pessimistic way: without Darth Vader, we might not have needed Luke).

It is time to return to your own manuscripts. Take what you have learned, expose the dark side and refuse to forget the past. For it is our great histories which inform our present, and the wise learn from the past, imbibing its lessons and meditating on its wonders, never forgetting that without our bright past, our present would be even darker. You character’s histories should always be shaping their present actions and feelings and events.

In Sum: A writer can find his education in and improve his writing by everything he hears and reads and watches. So enjoy your movies and books, whether they are ‘Star Wars Legends’ or Disney-approved ‘awakened’ canon.